Here comes the rain again! Noah, his wife, his sons, and step-daughters are in for the fucking ride of their lives as we continue now with the bible according to me! So pull up a chair as this promises to make your grandmother roll over in her grave and your preacher suckle even harder on the tit of Christ.

    Noah has a rocky 40 days and 40 nights bobbing up and down on the waters of the earth with nothing but a shit-load of stinky animals and his extended family to keep him company. Maybe Christians should simulate this feat in the Atlantic Ocean and see if they can survive by the grace of God!

    This story is also where we first encounter the beloved dove. However this time she isn't bringing -us peace , she's being used as a tool. The dove is dispatched from the ark and will either fucking drown or comes back. The allows Noah to tell if he can leave the ark or not. So she eventually brings back an olive branch, probably to build a nest, and Noah once again sends her out and she pisses off for good this time. God then sends word to Noah that he has accepted that all humans are forever destined to be piss-ants from birth and he will learn to deal with it. Noah is now back on the ground and ready to start anew when god issues him a some new rules. This one was the most curious to me:

3 Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.

4 But flesh with the life thereof, [which is] the blood thereof, shall ye not eat. -Genesis 9:3-4

    So what exactly does this mean. Is God saying you may eat from what you want but only after it has died a natural death?

    He then goes on to say that for any blood of man that is shed that there shall be the repercussion of the blood of another being shed. He's not specific as to it being the same man whose blood shall be shed. Perhaps it's his child or mistress instead. Besides which, this is a vengeful god who will take his wrath out on anyone at anytime!

    I loved the part where Noah gets drunk on wine, passes out naked and his 2 kids cover him up and make sure not to look at his tallywacker. His son Ham, founder of Canaan, was the gossipy little shit that decided to go and tell his brothers his dad was sprawled out in a drunken stupor showing off his testicles for the world to see. Noah instinctively knows this and then issues a decree stating Ham is henceforth the bitch-boy to his other 2 brothers and shall not prosper in the same way they will. Fathers certainly haven't changed much.

    After another useless 2 chapters of who's who in biblical times we get to learn about Abram (later to be known as Abraham), who is another fortunate son smiled upon by God. We learn of Abram's selfish plight for life as he convinces his wife to play the part of his sister so that she can be banged by a pharaoh so that he can live the life of a man with plenty. God, being the biased little fucker he is, punishes the pharaoh for screwing another man's wife and Abram eventually is asked to leave the Egyptians without a scratch on his pathetic body.

    I'm finding it exceedingly curious how little is actually said in Genesis and yet how much people tend to elaborate on it. So far, we've talked about Sodom for a total of 2 sentences in 4 chapters and we've been told that the men of Sodom are sinners. I've certainly heard nothing of butt sex or even the odd blowjob. Nothing has been mentioned of homosexual activity whatsoever. I was hoping for something for the spank bank, too!

    I feel a lot a pain for Sarai, Abram's wife. Poor thing can't have any kids, she's been thrown in a harem and used by a pharaoh only to escape with her bastard of a husband who desperately wants a child. She then allows for him to screw the maid and have a kid, known as Ishmael.

On a side note, I almost dated a guy named Ishmael once. However, in the heat of passion I had a hard time calling his name out and he whispered in my ear "call me Ishy". Fucking Ishy! I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore (or in the back of the head) and had to leave.

So as God decides Abram shall now be known as Abraham and will be the false prophet of several religions, he also decides that Sarai shall be known as Sarah from now on. God then decides he'll finally let "Sarah" have a kid now that she's 90 and that they must name the child Isaac.

We then learn that Abraham must lose his foreskin. Yep, folks, it's the circumcision part of the Bible. We evidently lose our cock flap because it's a sign that we as Abraham's children are upholding the covenant set between Abraham and God. Evidently God was never a big fan of docking.

  So far we've learned that God chooses the names of our children for us and that only people who are willing to lie for the grace of God get ahead in the bible.

    I wonder if religious people justify their ignorance as being for the grace of god. Do they choose to reject certain aspects of the world simply because it's easier to live in the biblical domain?

    What will it take to get them to see that it's no different than living in Teletubbyland? Although that sun with the baby's face was fucking cool.

  Tubby bye-bye!!! (for now)

Okay, so I've begun doing the bible. I find myself increasingly frustrated with Christianity and it's stranglehold on America and most of the world and I figured "ya know what? Know your enemy!" So I'm picking this motherfucker apart!

  Before I go into the first little chunk of Genesis I'd like to say first and foremost that I  intend to go through the entire bible. I'm not planning on finding Jesus by doing this and even if I did I'd leave him exactly where he was, spinning his web of lies and deceiving generations to come. I do intend to give my opinion on what I've been reading and hearing (I'm reading along with an audio book version of KJV (as read by Alexander Scourby)) and I'll more than likely not be making any of you holy ones happy.  So that's your disclaimer, folks.

  Now, on to the "holy" (more like hole-y) text.

  So here in the first 6 chapters we have God creating the day, night, earth, stars, sky, sun, moon,animals, and finally, man and woman. This is where I took offense first. The sheer fact that people would believe that woman came from man is heinous. We see a thousands of times a day that we all come from woman. Women are the life-givers of the planet and only a book assembled by a man would proclaim otherwise.

  So, then we get to the temptation of Eve. Bless her soul. I love her defiance of her maker. Of course I'd be defiant do if someone cared so little for me that they forged me out of a fucking rib! So Eve eats the apple and realizes "Oh my fucking God, I'm naked!!!!". I don't know about you but if I had discovered my cunt for the first time ever it would have been masturbation city for a good 2 hours. I mean, c'mon now. I wonder how long it took Eve to realize that she could cum... More importantly I wonder when she realized she could fake it!

So of course Eve, the fiendish nympho she is, tells Adam "Yo, hubby! This shit is fucking great!! Have a bite." To which point God proclaims his anger for their desire to know things and sets up some statues of cherubs (yes, cherubs) and a sword to maintain the sanctity of an Eden without it's Adam or Eve.  He does, however manage to give them some clothes to hide their shame.

  This is of course another example of god created by an establishment. This is a god who is painted to be easily angered when under minded and will do anything at all costs to make his creations always know he is almighty.  Talk about an ego-trip!

  So Cain and Abel is the story that we all know and there's not really any need to re-tell it. I will say I thought it was odd that the first murder of the bible only got 1 paragraph consisting of 4 sentences. No wonder those freaks think it's an eye for an eye. From the beginning of what they consider to be the gospel life is reduced to a bullet of information.

We then begin the long line of lineage that last for the whole of 2 chapters. We learn of Seth, son of Eve. And Enoch, son of Cain. Now, for the most part these names are so incredibly middle-eastern it's hysterical that ANYONE could think Jesus was white! Mahaleel, Methuselah, Adah, Jabal, Methusaleal just to name a few.

By the time we get to the end up chapter 6 we have an angry, angry God who is so disgusted with his initial experiment he plans on flushing everything down the proverbial toilet and starting all over again. But wait! Oh look! There's darling little Noah! God still loves him! He doesn't eat apples or fake his orgasms! He's obedient and free of independent thought just how God like 'em.

God then tells Noah to build an ark. Ya know, THE ark. He says "I'm floodin' this bitch and you better get on that boat and take some animals with you because I'll be damned if I'm gonna make unicorns more than once!" So we board the ark and we draw a veil on the first 6 chapters of the bible.

   It's heartbreaking to see not so many people are still here at Shoutpost. Has the community been dying or am I just not seeing the same faces? 

  So I last posted when I was in Texas which was almost a year ago.

   I left Texas on October 1st and went to Portland, Oregon where I stayed until March 7th.  I loved it there and have all intentions of moving back in October.  What made me leave, you ask? Well that, my friends, is where we get to the story of how my life changed forever. Irrevocably.

  I was playing music with my best friend Terri for several months out in Portland when I found out on March 3th that I am HIV positive. So, I decided to head home for a few months and stay with my folks while adjusting to a different way of life.

   I've gone to the doctor several times and I'm borderline needing meds and I'm doing many things to raise my cd4 count up to the point of not needing them. They start meds at 250 and I'm at 265.  I'm doing pretty well mentally. I go through period of being depressed. Not because I have HIV but I have certain thoughts about things I would like to have done that I do feel have been changed due to having HIV. 

  Currently, I'm working part time and selling some things on ebay to raise the money to get myself back out to Oregon. They have a much better HIV program for uninsured people there.  

 I'll post more tomorrow. But I will post today some previous postings from another journal I've kept. I've been dissecting the bible in a very tongue-in-cheek fashion and I'll share some of my musings with you folks here at SP!

  'til next time,

  Be safe.

 xoxo 

It's been over a year since I've last updated this blog and I plan on rectifying that! I met some wonderful people on here and maybe I can reconnect.

 This will be a short blog but I'll post a longer one tonight and I'll try and keep this to being a daily thing from now on! It's been a whirlwind of a year and I've been all over the country and back again.

 I'll give you a rundown of my life a little later tonight. As for now, it's naptime! it's 100 degrees here and I'm miserable.

  xoxo 

   So I'm in Dallas and I'd have to say it's definitely not the best city I've ever been to. There's an air of pretentiousnous every where you go here.  They even have these little t-shirts that they all wear that say "keep Dallas pretentious". WHAT THE FUCK?  I've never been in an environment where people are PROUD of being fake.

      And on top fo that 1 in every 6 gay men in Dallas have HIV. So I'll be here for 2 months and too petrified to try and date anyone while i'm here.  Portland is finally a 100 percent reality and I'll be ringing in the new year on a new coast with my best friend in the entire world.

    I'm going to take my 2 months in Texas and work a  part-time job and just Write as much as possible to get ready for new shows with Terri in Portland.

     I'll be posting some new lyrics up here sometime next week for your critique.

I just spent and week in New Orleans and it's an amzing city. I left way too early due to circumstances beyond my control but I'll sum that up later.

       In terms of the city itself it was a humbling and amazing experience that showed me the process of mortality and how we have to live life like it's something we appreciate. The sense of community is amazing there and everything was ruined by my best friend rebounding back into heroin, stealing the rest of my money and then kicking me out.

   I spent 8 hours roaming around the city knowing no one and waiting for a friend from dallas to come and collect me. I got out of the city and i'm fine and in texas safely. No thanks to a person I've known for almost a decade who chose her own self-induced indignation over friendship. I feel very very sorry for her and it's actuallt very hard to even wish her the best.

     I realized that you've can't make a person improve themselves unless they want it. I'll never forget standing with my feet in the mississippi and looking at at the new orleans skyline thinking about how i've just seen a city i'll never soon forget.

   I'll write about Dallas, which is where i am now, soon enough. This city is so different in contrast to New Orelans.

  I'm here for a month, then i head to New Mexico, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, and Canada. I'm looking forward to this journey as it's truly inspiring me to write more material and it's exposed people for who they really are, including myself.

    take care all, and i'll write about Dallas soon!

I leave at 4 pm for new orleans.. I"ll write after tuesday when 'im settled in :)

I don't have alot of time to post right now but I will send out a huge fuck you to president Bush for commuting Libby's sentence. Once again, the justice system fails for those that pay the brunt of the taxes in this country and marks another success for the rich and conservative.

suppose it will all never ever make sense

supposed we always bend until we break

what if no one was ever meant to love anyone else?

what if the hell we live in is the hell that we make?

I don' have much time to write, but I just saw Michael Moore's new film "Sicko' and I'm in tears! It definitely taught me alot about our health industry that  I didn't know.

   Universal Healthcare now! No more waiting! 

Kind of quiet on my end here. How has everyone else been?

  It's been a good week of preparing for the gigs at the end of the month I'm getting my busch gardens pass today so that makes me INCREDIBELY happy! yaaaaaaaay roller coasters!

   I'm going to Busch Gardens today with this boy that I like who is being a completely unresponsive TOOL! Men are so difficult!

   I wish I had more to write about but it's just pretty blah lately. I've worked on some new tunes, Hung out with Sam and Casey alot, Found a Python in the house that was out of his cage, lost a friend, threw up, masturbated, made some amazing dinners, went to hooters for the first time, and some just all-around good fellowship.

About that friend mentioned above... It really isn't that big of a deal seeming as we've just been skimming the surface of a friendship for quite some time now. He's one of those kind of people who like to pretend to have the moral high ground but is just as horrible as the next human being. I don't normally surround myself with people with huge self-esteem issues so it's a wonder why he survived that long! ;)

 I know that sounds pompous but I can't stand unappeciative people. He moved here and knew no one and I relenquished all of my friends to him and pretty much gave him the avenues to have great friendships and a decent life here.  But I guess in his eyes I'm incredibely selfish and self-serving.  What a fucking liberty!! :)

 I best run! It's time to get my church on and then hit up those coasters! 

So I'm all settled into my friend Sam's place and I'll be here for about a month to a  month and a half. Then it's new orleans or bust! followed by heading to texas with jon. Then finally the goal.. PORTLAND by february!  yaaaaaaaaaaaay

so i kind of made a sudden move and now live in a much safer area of Hampton Roads.

 There wasn't any huge issues with my previous roommate but He and his boyfriend have some strange habits i can't quite accept. So i'm not living with my friend sam and her wonderful 3 year old daughter zoey!

   I'll update more later.. as for now, i'm knackered! 

okay.. This might offend some, but when was I afraid of going there? :)

So many american soldiers disgust me. I keep seeing videos of these morons in iraq exploiting iraqi children for their own entertainment and making their own "jackass" style movies to make like-minded morons throughout the world appreciate their small minds (and hopefully small cocks)

These jerks are representing our country and they have nothing else better to do than give small iraqi children chewing tobacco and watch them vomit! AND PUT IT ON TAPE! They make fun of their lack of comprehension of the english language. It's a shame that people who aren't fluent in english get ridiculed in our country. It's a bigger shame when they get ridiculed in their own!

To look at our military situation truthfully and honestly for a second is to admit that the military is not where the scholars go. Most of them are minorities who didn't have a future or white southerners who got the wrong girl knocked up way to early in life. It's a rarity to find someone who joined the military simply because they wanted to defend and represent their country with dignity. Mostly it's either the free ride to school or the fact that they're not smart enough to get a higher education in the first place.

Either way when I see these videos I feel grossly misrepresented as an american. Exploiting children in a downtrodden country IS terrorism. But, I guess there was never really an argument that we're that biggest terrorist around.

My hard drive died last night.. i've just lost 110 gigs of shit! 

 I am crushed.

I never cry in front of people. It's just something I've never taken a liking to. Put me in a room by myself and put on a good song and I'm in tears for hours. Put me in a movie theater with 1 other person and show me the saddest movie... no tears will come.

  This really can complicate my life in so many ways and areas. I have a very sick and irreverent (sometimes mean) sense of humour that really dictates most of my being. So so many people really see me as a stoic, insensitive individual. Either that or just plain flat out self-obsessed.

       Now, this sentence will sounds self-obsessed BUT I feel as long as YOU know who you are and are fine with it, the external opinions melt away. 

   So yesterday was one of those days where EVERYTHING just made me cry. I wasn't depressed or upset about anything. It was just one of those days where your emotional floodgates are hemorrhaging  and anything can set you off because it just NEEDS to burst out of you. That's when I know I'm gonna write a new song soon. I'll probably sit myself down later tonight and see what comes out of me. 

  The rest of my life is going pretty okay. Looking for some part time work so I can make some spending money. MY income at my current job  is just enough to pay my bills and feed myself. Band practice today! I'm very excited about that. We've added quite a few songs to the setlist and I've hired a new drummer and bass player. I've got 2 months to get them perfect on about 40 songs and still manage to write some new material to sing. PLus the other singer and I really want to add MORE harmonies on everything! If you've seen us live you'll know how much harmony we already have!

   I'm off for now to shower and prepare for rehearsals... I have a band rehearsal here and then another rehearsal at work.

   Oh, I guess I've never quite explained what it is that I do.  I'm a faker. A conartist. An imposter of sorts. A 100 percent blasphemer. That right, This gay atheist hippie works as a church accompanist! I've done it for years and I like the people even though i despise the faith and the religion. Chistianity repulses me, but we'll save that doe another blog! :)

      LAYTUH for now! 

Well, my head feels full again so I guess it's time to blurt out some more stuff for the shoutpost community.

   My roommate is a bit insane. And by a bit I mean I'm a bit worried about him.  He has these........ well, episodes.   Something trivial will happen and he'l slamming things around and yelling loudly at himself. He doesn't get violent with other people. But he certainly appears to have the ability to possibly hurt himself one day. He definitely should never live alone.

   I've been listening to some new albums this week and I'd like to recommend them for you folks today.  Andrew Bird's Armchair Apocrypha and Bjorks Latest album Volta. Both are completely different but also both unique and wonderful!

   Hmm..i guess i'll leave it at that for now...bit of an update and some album recommendations.

  take care!

   Oh, and take good care of my buddy RiotPoof who just joined the community. He has alot of promising Prose to submit to you folks. So be nice! :) MUAH

I know it's been 10 days since I've written anything and i promise a post within the next day or to explaining why i've been so quiet. Ya know, I don't want to slack as much as foxcap! :)

hahaha 

Just wrote this today. I never realized how much more difficult it is not to write about yourself.

  But anyhow, without further ado.  It's, as of yet, untitled

For what it's worth.
For what it's worth to you.
I'm doing okay now.
I've finally made it through.
Out of the landslide.
This slippery slope life's put me through.
Now I'm just hanging 'round at the bottom
thinkin' 'bout what to do.

It was a long dive,
into this pit of dispair.
I'm not living, I'm subsisting.
So I have nothing left to share.


I've been sleeping too much lately
Isn't much else to do
Just dive into this ocean of slumber
Where i can still lay with you
And I've been crying too much lately
Cuz nothing else works, it seems
I wish I could sleep forever,
cuz i can have you in my dreams



And I get so confused in the morning
when all of my dreams come to an end.
And i wake up and I'm all alone.
And there's no way to pretend.
Cuz there's no one laying beside me.
and I get sucked into this strange wind.
You pull out of my dreams so quickly, baby
that you give me the bends..

 Yes, you give me the bends...

I've been sleeping too much lately
Isn't much else to do
Just dive into this ocean of slumber
Where i can still lay with you
And I've been crying too much lately
Cuz nothing else works, it seems
I wish I could sleep forever,
cuz i can have you in my dreams



We all have this one fear.
This one fear that turns us into stone.
For some it's the fear of death,
For me it's the fear of dying alone.

 

Many many many many many many thanks for FoxCap for designing a nicer layout for my blog so that i can actually have a personalized blog. ;)

I'll post a proper blog later today.. just wanted to send out some kudos :) 

My thought are extended to anyone who lost or knows anyone who lost anyone today. I live about 4 hours away and one of my friends has a broken leg. Another one of my friends has a good friend who was murdered today.  This truly is a terrible event and I hope we as a collective consciousnous take the appropriate steps to prevent such idiocy from happening again.

   I was invited to play for a service tonight to allow the community to get together to fully recognize what happened today. It was a lovely service and all the local television stations were there. I'm about to go and watch it on tv so i need to cut this short. 

  But it's been a few days since i've posted something and I just wanted to send out my thoughts and love to everone. Life is so temporary and always live it to your fullest capability. 

I'm not a fan of Don Imus. But I'm also not a fan of a societal structure where you can get a person fired because you can't take a joke. Americans have a shameful inability to make fun of themsevles and it disgusts me. And sadly, this has mostly to do with the minorities in the country.

 I'm a minority. One of the few minorities left in the country who don't have equal rights. I can take a joke! Go ahead and call me a queer, a faggot, a butt pirate, a wooly woofter. It doesn't matter,  I have confindence. What I seem to lack though, is tolerance.

 There should be no room in this society for groups that are built off of hatred inspired by events that were over 100 years ago. There should be no ability to wage a lawsuit or cause controversy because a person exercizes their first amendment rights.

  Last I checked it was freedom of speech. Not freedom to sue.

   As a gay man, I'm personally insulted NOT by the people who make slanderous remarks towards me, but by the groups of selfish people who just want to demand more out of a soceity that already offers them too much.  That's a broad category if you think about it.  The upper class, those on welfare, those who aren't even citizens. They are always demanding more of something even when they are surviving on what they have.

   So I suppose I'll end this somewhat politcally charged blogs with one last statement.

   From one angry faggot, to a dozen nappy headed hoes : TAKE THE JOKE!

The brain is like an ocean.

There's different levels of consciousnous you can dive down to.

I'd like to think that when you're dreaming you're as deep as your can get into your ocean of thoughts and impulses, and I enjoy dreaming because I always wake up with a new thought for a poem or song. It's like diving and exploring this shipwreck of your own memories and bringing back the items you still consider precious. Those items that know one else knew were there until you found them again.

Then

As you're down there diving, There's a sound. A knocking sound. As a musician, I have this uncanny ability just to incorporate outside noise into my dreams for a few moments. My brain instantly improvises a scenario to cover up the unwanted visitor.

Then

As if someone has turned on the shop-vac in your mind, you're pulled up through all those levels of water and you reach the surface quicker than you ever imagined. As you regain your sense of reality it gives you the most dizzying sensation. You are part in one realm and part in another. Your breathing heaves to dive back in. For you weren't quite there yet! The rational side of you says "get the door you fucking idiot!".

I chose to do nothing.

I chose to revel in that dizzying feeling for a while trying to find a term to describe it. If my "diving for thoughts" excursion was to be ruined I'm going to find another way to be inspired.

You pull me out of my dreams so quickly that you give me the bends.

It's amazing to have found a place to write about things and actually get feedback. Kudos to shoutpost!

I've done nothing all day. Zilch. Jack doo doo. I'm sitting here on the love seat having just finished watching doctor who and squid boy is making me pizza rolls. Ah, squid boy. He is my roomie's boyfriend. He really is a nice bloke but he has this hair that's really short except for this log strand on the side of his head. It's a tentacle-like thing and it's very Trent Reznor circa 1991. Hence the nickname squidboy.

Do you everget stuck in wikipedia loops? This is a daily occurrence for me as I get curious about one topic and then I'm led into a Whirlwind of of subjects. From the nutritional content of eels, to the different types of squid, to giant squid, then to Nessie the lochness monster, and ending with "chessie" the fabled monster of the Chesapeake Bay. I end up completely forgetting the original quest and I've yet to discover how good or bad eel is for you.

We eat squid and eel at least 3 times a week and I was curious what i'm actually putting into my body in the way of vitamins and healthy stuff. Maybe someone here knows the answer to that.

I'm finally getting in a mood for writing new music! I've gotten a solid backing band and they know their shit so i'm VERY excited at the arrangements I've been able to compose with the new configuration.

I'll leave you with a smattering of some of my material. This is the centerpiece of the album I'll be recording in a few months. It's a spoken word piece entitled "intoxication"

his face cracks in the moonlite, from the calm yet bitter wind.

while he's cruising down some back alley to the places he that he thinks that he has been.

and like a poster child for anorexia he is small and fading away,

while yet full of steam and breathing air and not knowing that he's going astray.

and he is what you have when there is nothing left and you need something to live for,

in the lines of time that are not yet written he can revel and find strength to give more.

blackened eyes and painted nails and seaweed hair like some side show act

but, if you look at him he'll tell you "i'm alive" but i tell you he's barely even that...

so look at me i'm your circus freak comin' to your town when i can stand up

and then i'll dance for you and sing a song or two and you might even see me erupt

'cause like a hurricane i've been blown away into this strange yet beautiful fate,

in the line of fire in the gaping hole of exposure in between love and hate.

and he seems to have it all figured out but it's just to make sure you wont see,

behind his jaded eyes he is still sorting through lies and still deciding who he wants to be...

and the bloodstains on the carpet are just memories of the sadness he brings,

from the back of his mind comes this fountain of time and it springs hope whenever it sings.

we're all razor blades of anguish and shame, divided by walls of sin and greed

and labels and styles and statistics of the miles that we walk just to quench the need that we feed

to come back and sing like angels and birds in some cheap happy holiday plot,

ya know, the after school special where the kids have the guns and the parents just pray to "god" that they never smoke pot.

and he sits and stands and spins and smiles

and he's walkin' down the street for miles and miles and miles

and then he sees the sunset shining through the trees

and the ying yang of clouds makes him feel more at ease.

in a world of best buys and breast-fed manipulation,

he will sit here and cry in the natural intoxication.

I decided to make a blog that not many people will read and that's not connected to my personal or music sites. This way I have a place to air out new material to only a few people and I can talk about alot of things i normally wouldn't talk about.

  That's it for now, just wanted to make a start at this. I"ll update later today.