Okay, so I've begun doing the bible. I find myself increasingly frustrated with Christianity and it's stranglehold on America and most of the world and I figured "ya know what? Know your enemy!" So I'm picking this motherfucker apart!

  Before I go into the first little chunk of Genesis I'd like to say first and foremost that I  intend to go through the entire bible. I'm not planning on finding Jesus by doing this and even if I did I'd leave him exactly where he was, spinning his web of lies and deceiving generations to come. I do intend to give my opinion on what I've been reading and hearing (I'm reading along with an audio book version of KJV (as read by Alexander Scourby)) and I'll more than likely not be making any of you holy ones happy.  So that's your disclaimer, folks.

  Now, on to the "holy" (more like hole-y) text.

  So here in the first 6 chapters we have God creating the day, night, earth, stars, sky, sun, moon,animals, and finally, man and woman. This is where I took offense first. The sheer fact that people would believe that woman came from man is heinous. We see a thousands of times a day that we all come from woman. Women are the life-givers of the planet and only a book assembled by a man would proclaim otherwise.

  So, then we get to the temptation of Eve. Bless her soul. I love her defiance of her maker. Of course I'd be defiant do if someone cared so little for me that they forged me out of a fucking rib! So Eve eats the apple and realizes "Oh my fucking God, I'm naked!!!!". I don't know about you but if I had discovered my cunt for the first time ever it would have been masturbation city for a good 2 hours. I mean, c'mon now. I wonder how long it took Eve to realize that she could cum... More importantly I wonder when she realized she could fake it!

So of course Eve, the fiendish nympho she is, tells Adam "Yo, hubby! This shit is fucking great!! Have a bite." To which point God proclaims his anger for their desire to know things and sets up some statues of cherubs (yes, cherubs) and a sword to maintain the sanctity of an Eden without it's Adam or Eve.  He does, however manage to give them some clothes to hide their shame.

  This is of course another example of god created by an establishment. This is a god who is painted to be easily angered when under minded and will do anything at all costs to make his creations always know he is almighty.  Talk about an ego-trip!

  So Cain and Abel is the story that we all know and there's not really any need to re-tell it. I will say I thought it was odd that the first murder of the bible only got 1 paragraph consisting of 4 sentences. No wonder those freaks think it's an eye for an eye. From the beginning of what they consider to be the gospel life is reduced to a bullet of information.

We then begin the long line of lineage that last for the whole of 2 chapters. We learn of Seth, son of Eve. And Enoch, son of Cain. Now, for the most part these names are so incredibly middle-eastern it's hysterical that ANYONE could think Jesus was white! Mahaleel, Methuselah, Adah, Jabal, Methusaleal just to name a few.

By the time we get to the end up chapter 6 we have an angry, angry God who is so disgusted with his initial experiment he plans on flushing everything down the proverbial toilet and starting all over again. But wait! Oh look! There's darling little Noah! God still loves him! He doesn't eat apples or fake his orgasms! He's obedient and free of independent thought just how God like 'em.

God then tells Noah to build an ark. Ya know, THE ark. He says "I'm floodin' this bitch and you better get on that boat and take some animals with you because I'll be damned if I'm gonna make unicorns more than once!" So we board the ark and we draw a veil on the first 6 chapters of the bible.