I know it's been 10 days since I've written anything and i promise a post within the next day or to explaining why i've been so quiet. Ya know, I don't want to slack as much as foxcap! :)

hahaha 

Just wrote this today. I never realized how much more difficult it is not to write about yourself.

  But anyhow, without further ado.  It's, as of yet, untitled

For what it's worth.
For what it's worth to you.
I'm doing okay now.
I've finally made it through.
Out of the landslide.
This slippery slope life's put me through.
Now I'm just hanging 'round at the bottom
thinkin' 'bout what to do.

It was a long dive,
into this pit of dispair.
I'm not living, I'm subsisting.
So I have nothing left to share.


I've been sleeping too much lately
Isn't much else to do
Just dive into this ocean of slumber
Where i can still lay with you
And I've been crying too much lately
Cuz nothing else works, it seems
I wish I could sleep forever,
cuz i can have you in my dreams



And I get so confused in the morning
when all of my dreams come to an end.
And i wake up and I'm all alone.
And there's no way to pretend.
Cuz there's no one laying beside me.
and I get sucked into this strange wind.
You pull out of my dreams so quickly, baby
that you give me the bends..

 Yes, you give me the bends...

I've been sleeping too much lately
Isn't much else to do
Just dive into this ocean of slumber
Where i can still lay with you
And I've been crying too much lately
Cuz nothing else works, it seems
I wish I could sleep forever,
cuz i can have you in my dreams



We all have this one fear.
This one fear that turns us into stone.
For some it's the fear of death,
For me it's the fear of dying alone.

 

Many many many many many many thanks for FoxCap for designing a nicer layout for my blog so that i can actually have a personalized blog. ;)

I'll post a proper blog later today.. just wanted to send out some kudos :) 

My thought are extended to anyone who lost or knows anyone who lost anyone today. I live about 4 hours away and one of my friends has a broken leg. Another one of my friends has a good friend who was murdered today.  This truly is a terrible event and I hope we as a collective consciousnous take the appropriate steps to prevent such idiocy from happening again.

   I was invited to play for a service tonight to allow the community to get together to fully recognize what happened today. It was a lovely service and all the local television stations were there. I'm about to go and watch it on tv so i need to cut this short. 

  But it's been a few days since i've posted something and I just wanted to send out my thoughts and love to everone. Life is so temporary and always live it to your fullest capability. 

I'm not a fan of Don Imus. But I'm also not a fan of a societal structure where you can get a person fired because you can't take a joke. Americans have a shameful inability to make fun of themsevles and it disgusts me. And sadly, this has mostly to do with the minorities in the country.

 I'm a minority. One of the few minorities left in the country who don't have equal rights. I can take a joke! Go ahead and call me a queer, a faggot, a butt pirate, a wooly woofter. It doesn't matter,  I have confindence. What I seem to lack though, is tolerance.

 There should be no room in this society for groups that are built off of hatred inspired by events that were over 100 years ago. There should be no ability to wage a lawsuit or cause controversy because a person exercizes their first amendment rights.

  Last I checked it was freedom of speech. Not freedom to sue.

   As a gay man, I'm personally insulted NOT by the people who make slanderous remarks towards me, but by the groups of selfish people who just want to demand more out of a soceity that already offers them too much.  That's a broad category if you think about it.  The upper class, those on welfare, those who aren't even citizens. They are always demanding more of something even when they are surviving on what they have.

   So I suppose I'll end this somewhat politcally charged blogs with one last statement.

   From one angry faggot, to a dozen nappy headed hoes : TAKE THE JOKE!

The brain is like an ocean.

There's different levels of consciousnous you can dive down to.

I'd like to think that when you're dreaming you're as deep as your can get into your ocean of thoughts and impulses, and I enjoy dreaming because I always wake up with a new thought for a poem or song. It's like diving and exploring this shipwreck of your own memories and bringing back the items you still consider precious. Those items that know one else knew were there until you found them again.

Then

As you're down there diving, There's a sound. A knocking sound. As a musician, I have this uncanny ability just to incorporate outside noise into my dreams for a few moments. My brain instantly improvises a scenario to cover up the unwanted visitor.

Then

As if someone has turned on the shop-vac in your mind, you're pulled up through all those levels of water and you reach the surface quicker than you ever imagined. As you regain your sense of reality it gives you the most dizzying sensation. You are part in one realm and part in another. Your breathing heaves to dive back in. For you weren't quite there yet! The rational side of you says "get the door you fucking idiot!".

I chose to do nothing.

I chose to revel in that dizzying feeling for a while trying to find a term to describe it. If my "diving for thoughts" excursion was to be ruined I'm going to find another way to be inspired.

You pull me out of my dreams so quickly that you give me the bends.

It's amazing to have found a place to write about things and actually get feedback. Kudos to shoutpost!

I've done nothing all day. Zilch. Jack doo doo. I'm sitting here on the love seat having just finished watching doctor who and squid boy is making me pizza rolls. Ah, squid boy. He is my roomie's boyfriend. He really is a nice bloke but he has this hair that's really short except for this log strand on the side of his head. It's a tentacle-like thing and it's very Trent Reznor circa 1991. Hence the nickname squidboy.

Do you everget stuck in wikipedia loops? This is a daily occurrence for me as I get curious about one topic and then I'm led into a Whirlwind of of subjects. From the nutritional content of eels, to the different types of squid, to giant squid, then to Nessie the lochness monster, and ending with "chessie" the fabled monster of the Chesapeake Bay. I end up completely forgetting the original quest and I've yet to discover how good or bad eel is for you.

We eat squid and eel at least 3 times a week and I was curious what i'm actually putting into my body in the way of vitamins and healthy stuff. Maybe someone here knows the answer to that.

I'm finally getting in a mood for writing new music! I've gotten a solid backing band and they know their shit so i'm VERY excited at the arrangements I've been able to compose with the new configuration.

I'll leave you with a smattering of some of my material. This is the centerpiece of the album I'll be recording in a few months. It's a spoken word piece entitled "intoxication"

his face cracks in the moonlite, from the calm yet bitter wind.

while he's cruising down some back alley to the places he that he thinks that he has been.

and like a poster child for anorexia he is small and fading away,

while yet full of steam and breathing air and not knowing that he's going astray.

and he is what you have when there is nothing left and you need something to live for,

in the lines of time that are not yet written he can revel and find strength to give more.

blackened eyes and painted nails and seaweed hair like some side show act

but, if you look at him he'll tell you "i'm alive" but i tell you he's barely even that...

so look at me i'm your circus freak comin' to your town when i can stand up

and then i'll dance for you and sing a song or two and you might even see me erupt

'cause like a hurricane i've been blown away into this strange yet beautiful fate,

in the line of fire in the gaping hole of exposure in between love and hate.

and he seems to have it all figured out but it's just to make sure you wont see,

behind his jaded eyes he is still sorting through lies and still deciding who he wants to be...

and the bloodstains on the carpet are just memories of the sadness he brings,

from the back of his mind comes this fountain of time and it springs hope whenever it sings.

we're all razor blades of anguish and shame, divided by walls of sin and greed

and labels and styles and statistics of the miles that we walk just to quench the need that we feed

to come back and sing like angels and birds in some cheap happy holiday plot,

ya know, the after school special where the kids have the guns and the parents just pray to "god" that they never smoke pot.

and he sits and stands and spins and smiles

and he's walkin' down the street for miles and miles and miles

and then he sees the sunset shining through the trees

and the ying yang of clouds makes him feel more at ease.

in a world of best buys and breast-fed manipulation,

he will sit here and cry in the natural intoxication.

I decided to make a blog that not many people will read and that's not connected to my personal or music sites. This way I have a place to air out new material to only a few people and I can talk about alot of things i normally wouldn't talk about.

  That's it for now, just wanted to make a start at this. I"ll update later today.